Dream Come True

I'm lying in my bed, 'ts late. For the first time in a long, long time I've been drunk, well, as much as I could. ;) And there was at least an hour! or maybe even two hours! that I haven't been thinking about you! Yess!! My personal record in these last months!.. Well, where were we?

Ah, I want you for the feeling I have you, so if I don't have you, I can just take this feeling - for the pure sake of feeling. And as there's nothing unavailable to me when it's so... so... what would feel the best?

Mmm... I've got such a diversity here... :) Here's me kissing you... licking your "v" while you're holding me in your arms... you kissing me... here's you holding me, tight, sighing to me (in red) "ho baby, baby, baby..", here's your hand stroking my back, from the shoulders to the bottom.. stroking my buttocks... aj, such a nice, warm feeling, such a caring gesture, full of dreaming-waking-up, rising passion.

..you putting me as a spoon to you, entering me from behind. that's so right, darling, no ANY need in condoms, I want to feel you... you strong, silky smooth, hot, hard, filling me tightly, squeezing your way to my insides, feeling my muscles like my inner mouth... you feel I'm closed up for you, even getting you inside me.

"what's wrong, baby? it's ok, you're mine now, you're with me,.. you can open to me,.. you know me,.. you dreamed of me,.. it's me you so much needed and wanted... what's wrong, baby?" dontknow1, dear.. you stop using your words, starting to use your hands and mouth instead, stroking my breasts, my belly, opening my legs - no, no, I can't open them for you, they're mine, I'm not ready for you, no, no! no! no.. you think I can?.. your tongue on my flower, suddenly, no! I can't resist it. can't close my legs anymore, I'm addicted to it now... listening to your tongue movements, hypnotized by them like a rabbit would be by an anaconda :) no, like a snake would be by a magician's flute. I'm all there now, in that little spot held by you.. how easy it was for you to take me all into ..being all yours.

..I like your movements on the bed. what else do I like, not to come too quickly? many things :) but it grows, and grows, and grows, and I can't hold it anymore, I cry!! and cry!! YES!!!!! yes, yes, yes! crawling into an embryo position, and clinging to your chest, yes, yes, yes, baby, yes....... come inside, dear. please, quicker, now! I want to feel you again, with all my muscles, now loving you, caressing you, welcoming you inside me, as if squeezing you, stroking you, holding you, please deeper! please! fill me all, dear, I want to embrace you, to feel you like this forever. you're so strong, so so masculine, your power is so huge, you hit me so passionately, yes, yes, yes, deeper! oh dear... (words are jumping with your-my-every-next-movement) I love you, yes! I love you! I - love - you - love you - so - much - the breath suffices now only for these short words, my passion is looking through my eyes, and I'm so yours now, more-yours can't be imagined. quicker, harder, hotter, wetter, denser, tighter, stronger, yes, yes, yes!!!.. fill me with your sperm, dear, yes, I want it all, in me, your dear-dear sperm, it feels so satisfying, so right, so "finally", yes, dear, I'm holding you, and you come in me.... yes! when I feel I'm waking up...... NO!!!!!!!!!! I don't want to leave this dream! No!!!!!!...........

- and I'm waking up... waking up to one world.... waking up to another... into your arms, with you inside me, that's what woke me up?.. Murmuring on your chest: "I had such a weird dream, honey, such a bad dream: I needed to live without you!" - "bad dream, baby? no way, come to me!" coming, coming, coming...........

Wild is the Wind

Let me fly away
With you
For my love is like
The wind
And wild is the wind

Give me more
Than one caress
Satisfy this
Hungriness
Let the wind
Blow through your heart
For wild is the wind

You...
Touch me...
I hear the sound
Of mandolins
You...
Kiss me...
With your kiss
My life begins
You’re spring to me
All things
To me

Don’t you know you’re
Life itself
Like a leaf clings
To a tree
Oh my darling,
Cling to me
For we’re creatures
Of the wind
And wild is the wind
So wild is the wind

Wild is the wind
Wild is the wind

Such touching words

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I miss you

I miss you so much I want to shout. And I don't know how to speak with you, because I know our feelings are so different. I don't want my words to be ...obnoxious or imposing or pushing. But I just miss you so much!

...I remember us kissing under the stars and your eyes and you saying "I want to make love to you"...

I remember your legs around me...

Your words "It's just you and me"..

The feeling I had when your back was all given to me...

Your "baby, baby, baby..."

Lucky me, I have this blog to vent.

:)

"Embrace me, my sweet embraceable you
Embrace me, you irreplaceable you
Just one look at you
My heart grew tipsy in me
You, and you alone, bring out the gypsy in me

I love all the many charms about you
Above all, I want my arms around you
Don't be naughty, baby
Come to mama, come to mama, do...

My sweet embraceable you"

:)

Sedgwick: Danny, do you speak Russian?
Danny: A little, but only one sentence.
Sedgwick: Well, let me have it, mate.
Danny: Ia vas liubliu.
Sedgwick: Ia ia vas...
Danny: Liubliu.
Sedgwick: Liubliu? Ia vas liubliu. Ia vas liubliu. What's it mean?
Danny: I love you.
Sedgwick: "Love you." What bloody good is that?
Danny: I don't know, I wasn't going to use it myself.

from "The Great Escape"

Remembering...

"I love you.
I love you,
I love you..."

Indeed. :)

Such happiness

It feels like the most satisfying week I've ever had:
I was where I wanted to be,
with the man I wanted to be with,
doing just what I wanted to do,
touching him the way I wanted to touch,
feeling his kisses and going crazy about them, and him at all,
with such delicious, sensual afternoons. :)

And understanding A LOT about myself.

Thank you, dear-dear.
From my body and soul. :)

Happiness

again. :)

Thank you for the music, dear

I guess something opened in me: the music as if doesn't go through the ears, but interacts directly with something deep inside me. Weird and nice.

Nice words

"I cared for you in our one dream"

Almost crying...

touched tears. Look what was just downloaded (accidentally, as always):

"Let your life be in the sunshine
Not the darkness of your sorrow

‘Cause a rose is still a rose
Baby, girl, you're still a flower
He can't lead you and then take you
Make you and then break you
Darlin', you hold the power"

Aretha Franklin, "A rose is still a rose"

I'm so stupid

In the morning I got it all right. Knew what to watch at. Was happy by being in the feeling of "being true to oneself," what actually was at the kernel of it. And later started to react again as a ...human :) forgetting that I'm not. :)

My apologies to you, dear: I never should have blamed you for being true to you. Or for anything, if already.

One girl wrote it to a man whom she felt at that time as the essence of her very being...

(kissing away the last 'reason'-why-not-to-post-it-now)

the patterns:
[you soft]
[you hardening]
[you hard, alert, huge, impressive]


the wish:

to touch you soft, by my mouth...
to move my tongue, back and forth, over you silky, strong, hardening... to wrap you up, suddenly, by my wet warm mouth, all of you, suddenly, tenderly, passionately... to let you go... you weepy, crying, waiting...
                            to touch you softly, tenderly, provocatively, by the inner side of my lips...

to put my hand on your testicles, caringly, pamperingly...

to hold you hardening by my mouth, starting moving my tongue inside of it... striking you huge and hard by my greedy mouth... you're so beautiful, darling... so masculine, so strong, so sexy, so sensitive...

I'm trying to stroke your chest, your hands, your legs by my hands, without taking away my mouth from the place it's caressing right now...

I'm starting to move my breasts, over your legs, trying to satisfy that inner urge to be all yours, right now, right here and now... my tongue slides vigorously over you so silky, so strong, so hard, stony-hard, so eager and so, so sensitive...

my hands caress your chest, my breasts massage your legs, and my smoothness is brushing up against your knee... or is it lower? other part of your masculine leg? where am I? I don't know anymore... Nothing matters right now, just this dancing with you... dancing... mouthing... dancing...

"Nightly desires"

What is left in me from these days with you?

Through the times when I feel hurt (as if) ('as if' because it feels hurting at that moment but never stays in me afterwards).

Through the times you call me those potato names I don't like.

Through the times you say "I prefer not to speak about it."

Through all the thorniness you decorate our day with. :)

Through all the times I want to strangle you, and not just strangle, but with exceptional cruelty...

What is left in me after these days with you?


Happiness.

Dear dear dear...

This time, when I'm sitting here, and you're calling me to come to you,... and I'm waiting... and know I'll come now, and will be close to you... such a beauty in this moment...

Interesting question

"If God looked directly into your eyes and said, "I command that you be happy in the world for as long as you live,"
What would you do?"

Richard Bach, Messiah's Handbook: Reminders for the Advanced Soul
that you haven't read yet :)

Crazy me

In Careless whisper, instead of "pain is all you'll find"
I just heard "penis -- all you'll find."

;))

I had a dream...

...You were sitting under your desk and telling me (from there): "You know, it's actually not so bad here. Quite good. I think, it will be comfortable for you here."

:)

Regarding "you're my soul"

Don't get frightened by these words.

It's the same as "I feel like I've been waiting for this moment all my life." These words belong to very-very special moments, and it's sweet, touching and shocking to read them afterwards.. They live somewhere inside, waiting for the next moment of such total openness, not quite belonging to the "real life." Which is sometimes a pity, and sometimes a gift. ;)

I'm so so so......

wrapped up in you now, honey. Filled by you. Feeling you with all my essence, feeling your presence by all my sensitive spots.

You're my soul now, dear. My stars. My leaves going out of the printer. :)

"How it was"

It was home. If it means anything for you. :)

Hit of the fire

It blows my mind and body from the inside, the huge, huge, huge desire demand to be with you now. To touch you the way only I want and only you can feel right. To kiss all the places I want to kiss. To feel your kiss on my neck... on my shoulders... on my breasts... my fantasy is too hurting for the other places right now. I want you, so so so much!!! What can I do with that?

Just feel you inside me... All being on fire, replying to you by my vagina muscles, holding you, caressing you, biting your shoulder, shouting from hurting pleasure, feeling your weight on me, feeling your breath with all my essence, feeling your breath in my ear, your arms on my back, your hardness inside me, deep, deep, deeper... I'm exploding from these sensations now.

:)

"Why should it take the tears of a woman
To see how men are"

(Roddy, who else. I'm pretty taken by his songs now - more by the words. It looks like he was popular at some point, then no one heard of him, and recently he came back. Should find more of him.)

Such a sunny song (Roddy again)

...
It's like a mystery that never ends.
I see you crying and I want to kill your friends.

I hear your footsteps in the street,
It won't be long before we meet,
It's obvious.
Just count me in and count me out and
I'll be waiting for the shout,
Oblivious...

...
But down by the ballroom I recognized that flaming fountain
in those kindred caring eyes.

I hear your footsteps in the street,
It won't be long before we meet,
It's obvious.
Just count me in and count me out and
I'll be waiting for the shout,
Oblivious...

I hope it haunts me 'til I'm hopeless,
I hope it hits you when you go,
And sometimes when I'm just sleeping
It rises up to let me know it's not so deep,
I'm not so low.

I hear your footsteps in the street,
It won't be long before we meet,
It's obvious.
Just count me in and count me out and
I'll be waiting for the shout,
Oblivious...

Oblivious

Roddy

Love is international
And if you stand or if you fall,
Just let them know you gave your all,
Worry about it later.

Ah, it doesn't stop!..

"Love is sleepwalkin'
Coppin' unworldly sights
Searchin' and stoppin'
Bangin' the world to rights
Can't let kilometres
Or colours defeat us try
For something so sweet
We'll never be beat
We'll conquer the seas
And sail the deep blue sky

I dream a dumb dream
The fires are blazin' bright
The faces of famine
Are fed in the flames
Sweet light
The guns are a burnin'
The bullets are silent shells
The hands are a turnin'
The times are a changin'
The lovers are learnin'
Ringing out the bells

Hold tight
All night
Always alright
We're on a wave"

Everything - Lifehouse

"Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again."

(Besides the image beauty, reminded me of a masterpiece salesletter definition: it puts a person in that place inside their soul, where they feel good.)

More of him

"I feel my soul's horizons
Stretch in sympathy with her smile"

"Get me back on board, pull me up with grace
Get me back on board, let me be embraced.

'Cos even after all those words I want you for my own.
Touch me when the sun comes up and tell me that we're home."

"How does it feel
To have time on your side
And never worry too much?
Never alone, kicking at stones
As though you're never been touched
Touched by the feeling
That nothing is real
It's all an illusion
Wheels in the drive
One of the guys
With nothing to prove"

and finally, pure magic:

"From liberty to Green Park
Wrapped us up in grey
And falling leaves and fading tans
Remnants of a summer gone.
Guess we're gonna have to learn to live again
In this world
Guess we're gonna have to learn to live again
In this world
Whatever goes down
May it fall easy on you
Autumn Flower

Clearing out the old house
Illusions of self tumbling from my shelves
Memories of what I thought
Today would be back then
Seems of all the time we spent
Making our predictions
The only things that ever seemed to make a dent
Were prayers without conditions
Whatever goes down
Pray it falls easy on you
See the sky move slow
Watch the wind blow"

Listening to Roddy Frame now

"I wish myself into your arms
To know that all I need is everything."

"I hurt you"

1. You didn't love me, which was what you said. It had nothing to do with "what's wrong with you."

2. This is how you defend your freedom, at least that's what I've always felt. Freedom of choice, freedom of wanting, distance - you must have it all to be you.

There were several more factors to it, but it's... well, or it's better to speak about it (not to write), or it's better to just keep silent. :) The important thing is, it wasn't anything "wrong" with you. => Doesn't contribute to my curiosity. :)

"Enjoy uncertainty."

Nice slogan. :)

(used to market iPod shuffle.)

Yours

Mine

Now youre back in my arms again
Let your heart be rearranged
While you were sleeping the reapers been reaping
The times have changed

Speak softly to me
You have more power than the bomb
The tears in your eyes are just medals and prizes
The war is over
Miracles will come and go watch it all work out
But don't give in



The more I watch it, the more it draws me in. Love it.

Ah, what I wanted to tell you about your new haircut:

(or more precisely, what I intended to write to you, as I would be too shy to say it :)

...every time I see you becoming even sexier than you were, I'm in shock. Who could expect it was even possible? :)

Nintendo DS motto:

"Touching is good."

Good philosophy. :)

Beautiful photo

It's not just the disk I haven't heard yet

There are some more things I have yet to experience:

1. To learn dancing, so that I could freely express what I feel, in the dance;

2. To learn singing, so I would get more pleasure from controlling my voice, and "taken from the answer above"; ;)

3. To publish the book and see how it's going;

4. To try marketing consulting;

5. To meet that guy who was there on the train when I wrote to you "Dancing... mouthing... dancing;"

6. To find out if there's anything better than the sex with you;

7. Much more...

The 6th, yes, sounds the most challenging :)

Interesting...

I'm going now through the deepest healing process I've ever been through. All the bad thoughts, imposed limitations, unnecessary "duties" are falling away. And with that, my love to you doesn't disappear at all. Just the opposite: it purifies, it reveals its true power and joy, when all the little misunderstandings, misexpectations, misconceptions are falling away.

Isn't this love a mystery...

Missing you...

so much.

Missing your hands.

Charmed (very charmed) life

D.Krall singing

You know I live a charmed, charmed life
I look out to my left and I look to my right
It's simple but in front of me, in back of me
Is nothing more than ecstasy
A charmed, charmed life

You know we live a charmed, charmed life
A little breath of magic and we roll the dice
Now, my darling, I'm for you and you're for me
We are each other's luxury
A charmed, charmed life

Come on over, baby
Kiss me once then twice
Whisper to me softly low, that makes me feel so nice
Come on over darling, and take me to that place
The one that puts a smile upon my face

That says we lead a charmed, charmed life
Just take a little look into each other's eyes
Our biggest little fantasy has turned into reality
You know we live a charmed, charmed life

Come on over, baby
Kiss me once, then twice
Whisper to me softly low, that makes me feel so nice
Come on over darling, and take me to that place
The one that puts a smile upon my face

That says we lead a charmed, charmed life
I look out to my left and I look to my right
It's simple but in front of me, in back of me
Is nothing more than ecstasy
A charmed, charmed life

You know we live a charmed, charmed life
That's it, a little charmed, charmed... life!

Feels true

"As lovers we are particularly vulnerable and open to each other - touch can give immense pleasure or cause physical pain.

The way we, as lovers, touch defines the bond between us. Through sensuality we explore and find delight in each other, heightening both arousal and awareness. Pleasing each other, we bring the other closer, increasing our sense of loving and being loved."

Sensual Thoughts

"Soft morning light,
that infuses warmly
into the waking soul.

The incandescence
of the midday sun,
that sears like your passion,
raging through every
pulsating vein and sinew.

Serenity like the tired day,
when she rests her weary head,
shuts her eyes
allowing peace to reign.
in caped dreams.

Darkness luminescent
with the soft white aura,
emanating from the perpetual
majestic brilliant orb.

Celestial bodies
scintillating upon the dark backdrop,
and whispered nuances
of sensual phrases,
captured on the wisps
of a gentle breeze.

Emotions swell,
tremendous love surges,
ecstasy flows
like a profluent stream.

Desires stirring within
like butterflies set free.
evoking with tenderness,
the amorism of loving warmth
and emotional intimacy."

Elga ~Indigo~

Sensual Touch Massage

As they say, This is a seduction ritual!

"With your lover lying face down,..." stop it, stop it!! Let me ponder on this phrase first, then we'll be able to go on...

Cynic

Reading:

"I love you with all my heart and soul!
Not just your being but you as a whole!"

can't help it but read:

"Not just your being but you as an asshole!"

I guess it's just life. :)

The words in this poem seem to be ... of someone who doesn't quite know to express her thoughts "dramatically-right." And with that, there are some "moments of truth" there:

"The door to my inner depths opens for you
The passion, the fire, the need to endure
Caressing you, touching you, kissing you
My love has been waiting so long for you"

Amen.

Now, how not to forget it all the time?..

* 1. Stop hiding who you really are.
* 2. Start being intensely selfish.
* 3. Stop following the rules.
* 4. Start scaring yourself.
* 5. Stop taking it all so damn seriously.
* 6. Start getting rid of the crap.
* 7. Stop being busy.
* 8. Start something.
* 9. Don’t worry what others will think about you.

Eight Irresistible Principles Of Fun

:)

Russian Car Parking

Fascinating

To watch how this guy is letting that inner power go out. Do things. How he even amplifies it.



"You can go with this,
Or you can go with that,
You can go with this,
Or you can go with that,
Or you can throw with (us) [only the 1st time]

Walk without rhythm
it won't attrack the worm

Walk without rhythm
and it won't attrack the worm

Walk without rhythm
and it won't attrack the worm

If you walk without rhythm
ah, you never learn

Don't be shocked by the tone of my voice
Check out my new weapon, weapon of choice"

Sweet sweet honey...

I love to touch your shoulder - homingly.

I love to kiss the top of your head - softly.

I love to kiss your lips - curiously.

I love to kiss your nipples - traditionally.

I love to kiss your hardness - tenderly.

... and then to suck it - passionately.

Just songs

From the first - "well, I guess it's just life." And the second, something in it, I guess its "free spirit," greatly reminds me of you, darling.

Pain Is So Close To Pleasure
Queen

Ooh ooh pain is so close to pleasure oh yeah
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all
your life
Ooh ooh pain is so close to pleasure everybody knows
One day we love each other then we're fighting one another
all the time
When I was young and just getting started
And people talked to me they sounded broken hearted
Then I grew up and got my imagination
And all I wanted was to start a new relation
So in love but love had a bad reaction
I was looking for some good old satisfaction
But pain is all I got when all I needed was some love and
affection
Ooh ooh pain is so close to pleasure yeah yeah
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all
your life
Pain and pleasure
Ooh ooh pain and pleasure
When your plans go wrong and you turn out the light
But inside of your mind you have to put up a fight
Where are the answers that we're all searching for
There's nothing in this world to be sure of anymore
Some days you're feeling good some days you're feeling bad
But if you're feeling happy someone else is always sad
Let the sweetness of love wipe the tears from your face
For better for worse so let's make the best of the rest of our
years
Ooh ooh pain is so close to pleasure I told you so
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all
your life
Pain and pleasure
Ooh ooh pain is so close to pleasure yeah yeah
Sunshine and rainy weather go hand in hand together all
your life
All your life
Pain - pleasure ....


Flowers on the Wall
Statler Borthers

I keep hearin' you're concerned about my happiness
But all that thought you're givin' me is conscience I guess
If I was walkin' in your shoes, I wouldn't worry none
While you 'n' your friends are worried about me I'm havin' lots of fun

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

Last night I dressed in tails, pretended I was on the town
As long as I can dream it's hard to slow this swinger down
So please don't give a thought to me, I'm really doin' fine
You can always find me here, I'm havin' quite a time

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

It's good to see you, I must go, I know I look a fright
Anyway my eyes are not accustomed to this light
And my shoes are not accustomed to this hard concrete
So I must go back to my room and make my day complete

Countin' flowers on the wall
That don't bother me at all
Playin' solitaire till dawn with a deck of fifty-one
Smokin' cigarettes and watchin' Captain Kangaroo
Now don't tell me I've nothin' to do

Don't tell me I've nothin' to do

<Kiss>

to my biggest problem ;)

and my sheerest pleasure...

<your name>&

"you've got a new soap"
"I felt there was some problem"

- you're so sensitive, darling. You surprise me all over again.

(I can almost hear you saying "I hope it's a good surprise."
Yes, dear, always. :)

When you're entering me...

...all the world around us disappears.

All is melted in the deep, sharp, almost hurting pleasure, connecting the body and the soul.

After

My love, my dear, dear love...

From (another Gershwin's) song:

"You've made my life so glamorous
You can't blame me for feeling amorous."

You certainly can't. :)

Lovely-lovely-lovely performance

It feels like she's doing what she very much loves to do.
Caitlin Smith, George Gershwin's "Someone To Watch Over Me"
and this one, too.
 

"long enough"

:)

Words, words...

לשון גם
סוג של דקדוק --
סוג של דגדוג

מורה ללשון :)

Nice words

Whoa! My love, my darling,
I hunger for your touch,
Alone. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.

Lonely rivers flow to the sea, to the sea,
To the open arms of the sea.
Lonely rivers sigh, wait for me, wait for me,
I'll be coming home, wait for me.

Whoa! My love, my darling,
I hunger, hunger!, for your love,
For love. Lonely time.
And time goes by, so slowly,
And time can do so much,
Are you still mine?
I need your love.
I need your love.
God speed your love to me.

"Unchained Melody"

Something changed in me

Feels like I've grown up. :)

I just suddenly realized, that I love you in you. And then no matter how much I want to be with you, but if you have to be with someone else to be you, then you should be with them; do what you want to do.

Just be you, darling. :) I love you.

I'm just one word for you:

Yes.

Passionate photo

Very sincere.

Wow, I never thought sex could be so... un-sexy

It as if has all the "right" elements: all these sex scenes, women in stockings etc., yet I don't want to even touch this woman in stockings (never thought it could be possible :). It's so... cold, lifeless. Here's the link:

I want your sex

And on the opposite, I remember looking at you on our team lunch, after you finished your meal. You weren't in stockings :). And you weren't even speaking (don't know about thinking) of anything related to sex. Yet you were so... shining with sex attraction. I might need then to put my sunglasses on.

11 posts in 2.1 days

I wish I could love my business as much as I love you. :)

Already 12.

Realization

I love to be yours.

Ah, I didn't add:

My back wants to be massaged by you.
Really, really wants. ;)

You flame in me

my best poetic fires.

Flying song to you, dear ;)

I'm so
so
so
happy with you, dear :)

My eyes love to see you
My ears love to hear you
My hands love to touch you
My shoulders love to be bitten by you
My breasts love to be kissed by you
My belly craves for your touch
My clitoris adores your tongue (mm, how it adores it!..)
My cave wants to take you in... real deep... deeper... deeper
wants to accept you all, care for you, comfort you, entice you, excite you
My legs want to embrace you... close around you...
My buttocks want your testicles to touch them... hit them... love them...

I'm so
so
so
happy with you, dear :)

One word for yesterday's team lunch:

authenticity.

As is for this soviet photography collection:
Soviet Union in photo.

Wanting you

Simply wanting you.

Check in – check out, check in – check out... :)
Remember "Was it worth it to help me with ClearQuest?" -
"I didn't know there were such bonuses for it..."?

Miracle

Today in the train we had a brainstorming session with Michael over some marketing idea (for his work). He almost missed his station. :) And then later he called to say, I was really good at that (and I was, I know), and that I should do marketing consulting. (He had his company doing marketing consulting.)

Now, you should just know, what a sensitive spot it was for me... Several years ago, when I was writing my dreams/goals, one of the most cherished ones was to be a marketing consultant. So when now he hit this subject... ...

And why Michael paid attention to me at all, from the beginning (besides my sparkling personality :)): because I was glowing. With my love to you. Well, you know how it looks in my eyes. :)

So thank you, dear. You my muse. :)

When I'm coming... with him...

I hold myself with all my strength, biting my fingers, pillow, whatever I find,

...not to shout your name.

There is something in that woman...

Beautiful

You told me to think about my fantasies...

I did. And discovered a very-very-very weird thing.

My fantasy is... to try and be your sex-slave, even ... for an hour.

Now, sure you remember I told you when you asked me if I'd want this, "NO!" (a resounding NO). But when I started, with your (touching) invitation, to think about my own fantasies... surprise-surprise! When I was thinking of it... I was being pleasured orally. And suddenly the thought of submitting myself to you in such a way, drove me crazy. As they say in Simoron, it "flamed my inner fire."

Being me, I couldn't not to start analyzing it. :) Trying to find the reasons. And I discovered... (part of it probably was that) it felt like I was releasing myself of all limits. Like "I couldn't do anything." Like "Whatever you'd do, it would be your fault." :) "Your actions." "Your deeds." "I'd just be submissive." Again - when I'm thinking if I'd want it "just like that" - NO. But thinking of my own fantasies - that's it, I want it.

Remember I once told you, the best way to get a girl "between the sheets", as they say, is to avoid drawing her there explicitly? Like, speaking to her about all other subjects, playing mind games, speaking of all else besides that subject that's exploding you from inside? :) You then asked me, what could be the reason for that.

(Well, I'd say, you're just letting her go her half of the way towards you, not pushing her.)

The reason they brought, was: a girl is being told from her childhood, that this sex subject is bad. Very bad. :) Then the girl grows up, and suddenly, with her man, she should see in it a good thing. And it's not always easy to do this switch. So whenever you're starting with the subject, it's for her like you're speaking to the "bad" side of her. And speaking of other things, you "express your interest to her as a person."

(That, by the way, connects very much to that time after the ...act: if the man just falls asleep, the woman starts feeling insecure, feeling embarrassed that she behaved "not like a lady." She needs reassurance that she is still seen as a "good girl." And if she doesn't get it, she starts to think (words from the book): "maybe her mother was right after all and it all IS a bad, dirty thing."

I wonder how it all is perceived by men? Or more importantly, how it is perceived by the man whose opinion means so much to me these days... :)

So, I thought, maybe that was the reason I wanted this sex-slavery thing? Because it would free me from the responsibility? But NO, that doesn't ring true to me.... The openness, though, does it: opening myself to you in such a way, that's what driving me crazy....

</confession> ;)