I did. And discovered a very-very-very weird thing.
My fantasy is... to try and be your sex-slave, even ... for an hour.
Now, sure you remember I told you when you asked me if I'd want this, "NO!" (a resounding NO). But when I started, with your (touching) invitation, to think about my own fantasies... surprise-surprise! When I was thinking of it... I was being pleasured orally. And suddenly the thought of submitting myself to you in such a way, drove me crazy. As they say in Simoron, it "flamed my inner fire."
Being me, I couldn't not to start analyzing it. :) Trying to find the reasons. And I discovered... (part of it probably was that) it felt like I was releasing myself of all limits. Like "I couldn't do anything." Like "Whatever you'd do, it would be your fault." :) "Your actions." "Your deeds." "I'd just be submissive." Again - when I'm thinking if I'd want it "just like that" - NO. But thinking of my own fantasies - that's it, I want it.
Remember I once told you, the best way to get a girl "between the sheets", as they say, is to avoid drawing her there explicitly? Like, speaking to her about all other subjects, playing mind games, speaking of all else besides that subject that's exploding you from inside? :) You then asked me, what could be the reason for that.
(Well, I'd say, you're just letting her go her half of the way towards you, not pushing her.)
The reason they brought, was: a girl is being told from her childhood, that this sex subject is bad. Very bad. :) Then the girl grows up, and suddenly, with her man, she should see in it a good thing. And it's not always easy to do this switch. So whenever you're starting with the subject, it's for her like you're speaking to the "bad" side of her. And speaking of other things, you "express your interest to her as a person."
(That, by the way, connects very much to that time after the ...act: if the man just falls asleep, the woman starts feeling insecure, feeling embarrassed that she behaved "not like a lady." She needs reassurance that she is still seen as a "good girl." And if she doesn't get it, she starts to think (words from the book): "maybe her mother was right after all and it all IS a bad, dirty thing."
I wonder how it all is perceived by men? Or more importantly, how it is perceived by the man whose opinion means so much to me these days... :)
So, I thought, maybe that was the reason I wanted this sex-slavery thing? Because it would free me from the responsibility? But NO, that doesn't ring true to me.... The openness, though, does it: opening myself to you in such a way, that's what driving me crazy....
</confession> ;)
