I once wrote it to you - and it's still very very relevant. Maybe even more so. You still are free from me.. and I still love you :)
"... I was wrong.
apparently, not only in my feelings for you and Pazit, but also regarding my own feelings.
I didn't want to tell you this at all, like "it's my own problems", but now it felt kind of unfair (towards you) (hiding, I mean)
on one hand, I was hurting. really, badly hurting.
on the other hand, I was trying to understand, "where is the bug in this algorithm", because if it hurts so much, it means I'm doing something that wouldn't be of joy to anyone.
finally I realized it hurts so much because I was like trying to cut on myself. You're flowing in my veins, <...>. I can't just like that take my blood and replace it. I
never expected it to be so strong and so affecting me, but it came, somehow. and now to close on it is to close my own soul. I can't do it, I'll live with that.
But
you can be free from it
I started a blog yesterday, where I'm writing what I would like to tell you if we were in a relationship I would like it to be. this way I will be able to "vent". and you won't feel bombarded by anything.
your name is not mentioned there, neither is mine
it's just "you", "me" and my writings.
so on your side you can take it the way it's easier for you.
and I'll try to live it the way it's easier for me.
"if there're stars out there, it means somebody's needed them"
the same about my feeling. if it came, I won't fight it anymore."
